Long Run and Committment

Today was take two at the double digit long run. Two weeks ago was my first attempt at 10 miles and it was, well, awful. Today was 10.45 miles in 2hrs 10mins and 52seconds. Slow as all hell - but I did it.

I didn't really go in to this run with the most positive attitude. I was really nervous about a repeat of the first 10 mile experience. Also, due to my hip pain I'd really cut back my milage during the last two weeks, and opted not to do a long run last weekend. It hurt to walk, so I'm thinking that was the right decision.

By the 3rd mile i was really irritated with myself. I kept beating myself up for not committing more to running. I later had to give myself a break - i've been in injury prevention mode for 2 weeks. But the truth is, I could commit more. I could commit to more xtrain workouts, since I barely do those. I could commit to eating better since I suck at that. I was getting really mad at myself - what is your problem, jennifer? you said you wanted this, and this is how seriously you take yourself??

Then, I ran by a woman who was leash training her pit bull.

I, as i'm sure all of you do also, run by people with dogs all the time. Some are good on a leash, some are horrible. But, just a few short years ago, ANY dog - even like a yorkie or something - would send me into a panic. I'd cross the road, i'd freak out, sometimes scream (awesome), heart rate sky rocketing etc. so forget any "scary" looking dog - boxers, dobermans, rotties, pitt bulls etc. I was down right terrified of nearly any living thing.

Today, when I ran by that woman with the white pittie with beautiful blue/grey markings, I stop to pet it. "beautiful dog!" i remarked. And then I realized, in the context of my nearly 29 years of existence - that was freaking remarkable. People that haven't seen me in 5-10 years would have NEVER expected me to act like that, ESPECIALLY toward a pitt bull. I saw that woman and her dog again on my run. And it just reaffirmed my turn in thinking - change takes time. No, i should not use that as an excuse. Yes, I should stop beating myself up for shortening my runs and eating crappy. Recognition of the problem is the first step, right?

I have cut myself the necessary slack on the milage issues because my hip does NOT HURT AT ALL. So I made the right decision there. yes, there are other aspects of training/life that need work - and lots of it. But you know what? 5 months ago I could not run 10 miles. I couldn't even run 7. So my negative thougths can take a flying leap. And I will make a committment to making better decisions more often, and not beating myself up so much when I've made some that are less than stellar - or at least save the beating up for some time other than the middle of a 10 mile run - that's the worst time for it.