Saturday, November 5, 2011

inspired, uninspired, reinspired

i've very clearly been avoiding my blog for about two months (maybe more). Some of it was due to work related stress and a non-desire to be on the computer or think.

Some of it was because i've been trying to work a few things out in my head before posting all my nonsense on the interwebs.

Some of it was jealousy.

I had blog runner envy. I follow a LOT  of blogs of really really awesome runners. I was training for my second half. While my training went quiet awesome this cycle, the spark of something "new" and breaking barriers wasn't there this time like it was for my first cycle. Add work/life stress on top of that, and a lot of runs (even if they were awesome) felt forced and chore-like. I reminded myself that I had been training pretty much since February, after spending nearly 3 decades doing a whole lot of nothing. So mental (if not phsycial) burnout was to be expected.

The first training cycle, I'd read the blogs of other awesome runners and be inspired. Now I was just getting jealous. everyone else was blogging about getting faster, and breaking mental walls, and happy runs and I was miserable inside my head. So, I hopped off blogger. Twitter updates was enough, and worked well enough. I even stopped reading many of my favorite blogs. Not all, but many. It was nothing to do with the bloggers themselves. It was my own issue, of frustration, unwarranted jealousy/envy etc.

I have read a MILLION times, literally, not to compare yourself to other runners. Run your own race. You're not them, blah blah. But I had a really hard time doing this. Especially when my real life runner friends were getting super fast, and I felt I was stagnating. I am, without a doubt, my own worst enemy. I am like this in every facet of my life. One time, in high school - freshman year - you know, SEVENTEEN years ago, I said something to a friend that came out all wrong. I did not mean for it to sound as mean as it did, I was trying to be funny. I still beat myself up about it. We didn't even have an argument about it. In fact, I know she knew I was joking when I said it and STILL I feel guilty about it.

Seriously, Jen? wtf?

So, I distenced myself from blogger and spent more time focusing on ME, MY running and MY training. And I am starting to snap out of it. I'm comparing my paces/distances to a year ago and seeing (obviously) giant improvements. I've come a long way. I'm making goals for next year. After tomorrow's "long-run-for-fun" I will have topped 20 miles for this week and I'm not even training. that's awesome. AWESOME. And certainly not something I could've done last year.

I've started reading blogs again, and I'm getting back into the flow of commenting.

I'd like to send a big thanks out to a bunch of women I've never met for keep up with awesome blog posts and tweets and that they, completely unaware, have contributed to my re-inspiration - for running, writing, goal setting and ass-kicking.









LawGirl said...

I definitely understand what you've been going through. Before you start running you think it's just physical. I thought it for a long time. But now we know how huge the mental part is. We both know that you can go out and run and just do it. But a runner loves it. It's easy to love motivation and inspiration, but it's also easy to get it back. I'm glad you have it back, and that I get to share something I love so much with my best friend!

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

Avoiding blogger envy is HARD, so I understand where you are coming from. Since I started blogging - 6 months ago? - I haven't gotten faster. And comparing myself to others is not the right answer, because it makes me think I must be doing something wrong. You have the right idea - just compare your times to previous ones FOR YOU. You're improving, whether you know it or not!

Keri @ Blue-Eyed Runner said...

Awww Thank you! So sweet and hang in there!!!! Glad you are back!

Aron said...

I totally understand what you are saying here. After a couple years of improvement I hit a plateau in my running too. All my friends around me were getting faster and I was still running the same. On top of that I had been training non stop and just needed a break. The last two months I threw away my training plan, I ran for the pure joy and have really fallen in love with running again. I am so excited to start a new training cycle now with a new vigor and hope you find that too... sounds like you are on your way! Thanks so much for the shout out <3

SupermomE12 said...

There will always, ALWAYS, be someone that can run faster and further than you, no matter who you are. I think that is what I like about running, is that I am out there competing with myself, and trying to be my best. That is fast compared to some, and slow compared to others. And that's ok. I just want to be the best runner I can be, and run my hardest and have FUN.
You are making great progress and you should take pride in that. And enjoy the journey. And don't compare yourself to others (although you already know that) :)
THanks for the sweet mention... Wish we lived closer and could go run together! Hugs!

Anonymous said...

thank you jen, that meant a lot! i'm honestly so touched!

i 100% know where you are coming from. it took me 9 marathons (i repeat 9 marathons) to BQ. yet there are so many bloggers that BQ'd on their first or second try. yes, it bothers me. i would be lying if i said it didn't. BUT, i'm not them. i'm me. i'm not genetically gifted in the running department. so it just takes me a bit longer to get to my goal. and you know what? the journey was that much sweeter!

misszippy said...

Good! I'm really glad you found your mojo to come back and post. You're right--don't compare yourself to others! You are your own unique self/runner and have lots to share with others. Welcome back!