Sunday, March 11, 2012

Running is my religion

And apparently, our number 1 hymn is the theme song from reading rainbow – as that was on repeat in my head for two hours.

This run was some sort of magical, and boy did I need it. This is the second time I’ve run this particular 11 mile loop, and both times have been amazing runs. Aside from being quite hungry at the moment, I do not feel like I just ran for 2 hours. I’m not tired, but cleansed. I’m not sore, but strong. When I checked my watch an noticed I had only 3.5 miles left to go on this run, I was sad. I am still kind of sad it’s over. All of life is so much simpler when it’s just you and the road (and the occasional jack ass rolling through stop signs.)

My life outside of running (yes, there is one, unfortunately) has been… interesting this weekend. I like running because it’s simple. You either ran or you didn’t. Black and white. There’s no “grey area” in running. You can’t “sorta” run. I am a black and white person. I don’t enjoy the grey. I like things simple, straight forward, drama-free. But alas, life is messy and we can’t always have what we want.

11 miles with no music (except the aforementioned reading rainbow theme song) gives you a lot of time to sort through the mess. And it doesn’t take long. By mile two, things were looking up. By mile 3 I knew everything would be all right. In the words of a wise friend “Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” The hardest part of accepting that statement, of course, is that you don’t have control over where the end is all the time. But you know what, that’s okay too.

On my run today I reminded myself of how far I’ve come in the last 18 months. Of how settled in to myself, grew with confidence – mentally and physically. No one can take that away from me. I have stopped trying to dispel people’s misconceptions of me, and instead just stopped caring. The most important thing is to do right by yourself. YOU are the one you have to live with day in and day out. YOU are the one you have to sleep next to every night. YOU are the one you have to trust with your own emotions. YOU are the one inside your head when you’re running. And as long as YOU are okay with who YOU are, then nothing else really matters.

None of these revelations would’ve happened without the run. The perfectly wonderful super strong amazing run that I just had. These were the fastest, and perhaps best 2 hours of the weekend. And they are mine, all mine.


Natalie said...

WOOHOO for awesome runs :)

Sassphalt Runner said...

Amen, sister. Couldn't have said it better myself! Isn't it crazy how clear things become when you have uninterrupted time with just you and the road? I've learned so much more about myself on my runs than I ever would have at any other point in my life.