Sunday, August 1, 2010

Laughing Alone

I found myself laughing, hard, at an episode of scrubs today. It was funny, I don't remember what it was about now. But this isn't the first time in the past few days that I've had some good hearty laughs in the presence of no one but my cat.

It's a pretty good feeling. Just to laugh. Outloud.

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I've been eating better and working out a lot. But I've been thinking too, not a ton, but just enough. Thinking about eliminating stress, and stop trying so hard. For what? Anything. Work hard, yes. But I've made a concerted effort to stop trying to make my life happen, and just live it. This is something that I think I've been trying to do for years. However, I keep slipping back into the black hole of "supposed to." How am I to know what I'm supposed to do in this life? I'm not. I"m just living. That's how it's got to be. Otherwise I will just continue to go insane, be stressed, and generally miserable.

On the whole, body and mind are feeling better. My mind's still a bit fuzzy though. I still haven't found the balance, I'm unfocused frequently. It's time to let a few things go. That's a process though. Especially as I am the type to believe that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. However, I need to settle, calm, peace.

I think I'll go to yoga this week.

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